How to Help a Person With Cancer Over the Holidays..2014

I am so fortunate this year.  I am doing well.  Read the post before this.  However I thought it so important to talk about those that are not doing so well this year.  This is how to help them in a very real way.  No minced words and no bull shit.  Here goes.

1.  If the person  not feeling well wants company...Go see them!  Call them and say, "I would love to see you for a little bit.   Are you up for company?   Can I bring you some soup, a truffle, a magazine?  Can I hug you when I see you?    What exactly can I do for you?   Need some shampoo?   LOL....seriously...you will hear that person smile through the phone!   Go!  Forget the flowers....they die. :)

2.  Be yourself on the visit.   That person is still that person.  Talk to them like you normally would above and beyond cancer.   Ask me how my life is other than cancer....it may seem silly however the rest of that person's life still exists....ex...what are your plans after chemo?   How is your job?  Etc.   How can I help along the way?  You can say the wrong thing.....so what?   You do not know until you try.  Saying nothing ...not visiting is worse.  Being ignored is worse!

3.  Out of the mouths of babes...:)...years ago I went home from the hospital with a lung tube hang'in out the side of my body for about a week.   It looked gross and would fill with fluid.  If you know me...you know that would not keep me in the house.  I was not in pain at all.  I was sitting California Pizza Kitchen and was being stared at from all over the place.....a kid about 6 years old actually came up to me and asked, 'How does that thing feel?  How can you eat?". 

I gave him a big smile and said," Thanks for asking...I eat just fine and pretty soon they will take this out and I will be good as new"  You young man are a wonderful person and way beyond your years.  Then everyone stopped staring...smiled ...and perhaps saw me as a person having a good day.  It just takes a few words to clear the air.

4.  Dear people with an illness.....Remember that I am doing "this" since 2001.   Do yourself a favor...develop a thick skin.  You also have an opportunity to help others learn how to be around you.   Frankly it is not all about you, me....if you do not want to be by yourself you must accept that fact that your friends, family, strangers are going to say really stupid things to you.   Your choice is to either teach them or to walk away...and yes some will walk away from you as well.  It is ok for you to walk away as well and find new people.  They are out there even in cancer.

To the people at large this holiday season.  Be specific on how you would like to help someone and follow through.  To the patient...I hate the word patient...such a misnomer...Take each day at time...speak up if you can...if not ..pick a great persona and ask them to speak up for you.  Keep going.

Do not be that person that just shows up at a Funeral after not seeing that person for years.  Do not be a funeral person and not a real person.   That person that passed could care less if you are there and their family could care less as well.  Seriously.